Mmm, Banana Muffins

It’s been a busy week.

Last week I went to the gym and was shown round the equipment by a trainer. It was great because now I can walk in there without thinking too much about it and hop on a machine and get going. Before I had to stand on the cross trainer and figure out how to turn the effort level down, which made me feel

a)      Stupid and

b)      Extra self-conscious

I went with my Dad – who looked completely fine after the session, whereas I looked like someone shot at me in the face with a paint fun full only of red paint.

Going to the gym was difficult but I did it, and I’m going to just have to put up with the anxiety because it’s going to benefit my mental and physical health.

I also started my new job, and the people seem really nice. I explained about not being available to work sometimes because of therapy and they were completely fine and empathetic about it. I genuinely can’t wait for my next shift.

Aswell as these things, I’ve calmed down since my rage at people not understanding my situation, and I’m getting back to kicking ass. So far avoiding certain foods, not having them in the house etc is how I’ve dealt with bingeing problems, but it’s challenge time.

I don’t want to go the rest of my life not being able to have sugary cereal in the cupboard because I feel I can’t control myself. It may be fine for other people, but not for me. I’m planning meals ahead of schedule, which is crucial now I have a job, and I’m taking risks that I have previously avoided. I’m shit scared, I won’t lie.

My challenge is to bake some breakfast muffins and keep them in the house without bingeing on them. I could freeze them or something, but if I could keep them over a couple of days without overeating then that would be a huge step forward for me.

Have you challenged yourself recently?

Hayley Emma