EATING DISORDERS TREATMENT: LEAN ON ME

There is a lot to be said about having a lot of aquanitences but only a few very good friends. I’m not talking about all your friends on facebook, or should I simply say all those strangers you have never met. I’m talking about the ones that as my grandfather used to put it  in baseball terms, the ones “you’d want sitting on your bench.”

I have very few of those, the ones that I’d drive to LAX, help move, give one of my kidney’s to, and if we were stranded on a Andes mountain somewhere, let consume me for dinner, or at least use me as a nice garnish.

All joking aside, I know that if it were not for my truly good friends, I would have never survived my eating disorder.

When I was in the depths of my disease almost everybody gave up on me! It was a horrible feeling to feel like you didnt’ have a friend in the world. However I did have some friends that never gave up hope, that never failed to see that their was life underneath all that death.

My best friend Amanda was one of those few. Ever since my sophmore year in high school, she and I have been kindred spirits. Let me tell you, she is probably the most gorgous person I know, and when I say gorgeous please let your minds wander to Supermodel, plus greek nympth, plus Denise Richards times 10!!

I will admit my narcissim and say that my whole life I have been competitive with other women, but Amanda…well she’s one female I have never in my life felt a bit of jealousy for.  I don’t know what it is about her, but she as beautiful as she has never raised even the slight bit of envly in me.

Like I said we have been friends since 11th grade, and she is one of those few peope who saw me go from “completely normal” to manic “hot mess”.

Despite that, she never ever ever gave up on me.

She traveled with me on all my adventures to Hollywood and NYC.

She turned the phone around when I was talking into the receiver.

She picked me up when I fainted and fell down.

She put up with me heating up black coffee to 100 degrees ferinight, and only eating lettuce and mustard.

She is what I would say is a Saint.

She later told me that after she did return from all her escapades with me to NYC, to Naples Florida that she came back home and dropped to the floor and had a nervous breakdown.

Her husband Jimmy told me she came back home collapsed to the ground and just sobbed.

Now I can look back and understand what it must be like for a person to see somebody go from a beautiful healthy young woman to a absolute “54 pound basket case” who is taking so many prescription drugs mixed with over the counter drugs, who is demanding her coffeee to be scalding hot, and all her vegetables prepared without an ounce of oil or butter.  Somebody who is falling down all the time, acting manic, and barely able to hold a sentence?? How awful it must have been to her to know that once I was this healthy beautiful girl, and now I had turned into this horrid demon of a thing, barely holding on to life and looking like the “crypt keeper.”

My best friend Amanda went through it all..the good, the bad, and the ohhh so ugly.

All she ever ever asked of me was to get better..to look healthy…to act normal…to be human.

When I came to the Rader programs, this was my last hope…honestly the last ship that would sail by. My history was getting kicked out of almost every treatment program I had been through, so most everbody thought that when I came to Oxnard California it would be only for a short while, before I bailed.

I knew though deep in my heart I was ready to get better, and so I did. I listnend, I learned, and I finally let somebody else drive that crazy bus that was leading me to nowhere.

Recently I had the oppotunity after many year so to return to Colorado my hometown and see Amanda. When I opened the door she literally fell to the ground and wept.

I knew that was all the “Thank You ” I needed.

I got it then…in that moment I knew that all that effort and all that faith she had put into me had payed off. There is no Hallmark card, no big teddy bear, no box of fancy chocolates, or arrangements of daffidills that could mark that moment.

Her seeing that I had color in my face, and a sparkle in my eye is all she needed. To see some flesh on my bones and a happiness in my heart..that is the biggest friggin satisfatcion she cold get.

It honestly boils down to loyalty…it’s those people in your life that smile an you when you walk by, accept you despite all your many flaws, call  you just because and stick by you know matter what who you can truly call a friend. Amanda!!…you are Amazing and I can honestly, without a doubt, say I would not be alive, or where I am today if it were not for you!

Love you friend!!