Day 74-Sometimes Quickly, Sometimes Slowly….

Sometimes I feel as if recovery is not happening fast enough.  Would I get better quicker if I constantly read the Big Book during my free time?  If that’s the case, maybe I’ll begin doing that on a nightly basis before I retire for the night, because I never want to experience being a newcomer again.  The pain is so real and so intense.  This pain is unfamiliar because I haven’t felt it in so long.  And it leaves just as abruptly as it comes-leaving me breathless and holding onto my chair. 


I wish I had five years.  I want my marbles back.  Did I ever even have my marbles?  I think I did…Ahhhh the old days.  I wish it were then.  I wish it were tomorrow.  Why is it so hard to live in today?  I’ve always wanted to be anywhere but here.


Today I spoke at a meeting.  It was small and nice and it was exactly what I needed at the moment.  At that time, I was in the moment and I was with my people.  And nothing was moving too slow but time kind of stopped. And I felt completely at peace.  Right where I needed to be.