An Eating Disorders Effect On Siblings

Via etsy.com

The fact that eating disorders can cause serious and even
life-threatening physical changes in the individual causes the anxiety of
family members to focus on doing whatever they can to reduce the potential for
disaster – the loss of their loved one. Unfortunately this may actually play a
role in maintaining the problem. Negative ways of coping become more prominent,
including taking control, anger and blaming, avoidance, denial or substance
use. Time and attention from parents that would normally be available for a wider
range of family activities is nonexistent. There may be concerns among siblings
for the health of their parents as well.

In general, family members may all feel as though they’ve
lost control over their lives to their siblings eating disorder. Meal times become
challenging for siblings as family meals become intense and filled with
conflict. This may cause healthy siblings to avoid family meals altogether,
preferring instead to eat elsewhere. A new routine is established often with
family members feeling like they’re constantly at risk of causing a meltdown
with the struggling sibling, should they say something that triggers him or
her. Unfortunately, this may lead to tolerance of the eating disorder
behaviors, simply to avoid such occurrences. Resentment surrounding these
illness-related changes to family life is common and in itself may lead to guilt
feelings among siblings, particularly if they feel that they may have contributed
to the eating disorder by something they said or did. In turn they may
compensate by taking on more responsibility for caring for the individual although
this in turn may lead to more behavioral issues of their own becoming oppositional
or even outright defiant. They may have feelings of rejection by their siblings’
behavior toward them and they may begin to separate more and more from the
sibling. Occasionally a previously well sibling will develop an eating
disorder.

Given the lengthy treatment duration of an eating disorder,
the impact on siblings is extended during a critical period of time in their
own growth and development physically and emotionally. They are facing the
challenges of school, peers and developing their own individual identity. Their
development can represent a reality check on the cost of the eating disorder to
the ill sibling and may become part of a motivation to resist the eating
disorder. Depending on their own stage of development, a younger sibling may be
less aware of the effects of the eating disorder and may not wish to see their
older sibling as ill. They may attempt to care for their ill sister or brother
by assisting them with everyday tasks or by providing companionship and
emotional support. These siblings may express concerns and opinions but are
confidants and even confront their sisters and brothers. At times, they may
bring the illness to the attention of their parents.

The pre-illness factors
that contribute to sibling responses to the eating disorder and ill sibling
include age, gender, personalities of siblings, length of time the illness has
been present, whether or not the sibling lives at home and the relationship of
the siblings prior to the illness. Siblings may indeed be similarly at risk for
some of the same behaviors as the individual with the illness. The intense
stress on families and the strain on sibling relationships is often
unavoidable.  It is important to consider
siblings as an integral part of all treatment methods including family and
individual therapy. Ultimately the healthy sibling may become a model for
healthier behaviors.