82 Fear And Resentments

I had an interview this morning.  I think it went well and I should be optimistic about things, but I haven’t been going to as many meetings as I normally do.  I am filled with resentment and self pity.  This is my normal pattern.  It’s something I’m very aware of.  My entire 82 days I’ve basically been making 2 sometimes 3 meetings a day.  Well these past 3 days all together I’ve made one.  I’m setting myself up.  I know my disease.  I guess I’d better watch out.   I’m on shaky ground.  Self knowledge has never prevented me from drinking.  But the craving has not come back yet.

I’m filled with resentments right now.  Some real, some imagined.  My disease is finding a million different methods of attack, but they’re all the same methods it has used on me a million and one times, just with different players and different scenarios.

Well I’m glad I have my coffee committment tonight.  I’m really looking forward to some quiet for this overactive head of mine!