You Can Call Me Eleanor, Miss Rigby If You Please

I remember as a little girl, I grew up listening to the music of the Beatles. My mother and father were avid fans and my sister’s and I became quite used to the sounds of Jon, Paul, Ringo, and George being blasted through the speakers of our living room. I think I loved all the music because it made me happy, but there was one song, one song that always made me sad…Eleanor Rigby. Eleanor Rigby always made me very introspective even as a small child. They lyrics chilled my bones…

I remember as a little girl, I grew up listening to the music of the Beatles. My mother and father were avid fans and my sister’s and I became quite used to the sounds of Jon, Paul, Ringo, and George being blasted through the speakers of our living room. I think I loved all the music because it made me happy, but there was one song, one song that always made me sad…Eleanor Rigby. Eleanor Rigby always made me very introspective even as a small child. They lyrics chilled my bones…

Eleanor Rigby picks up the rice in the church where a wedding has been
Lives in a dream
Waits at the window, wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door
Who is it for?

All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?

Father McKenzie writing the words of a sermon that no one will hear
No one comes near.
Look at him working darning his socks in the night when there’s nobody there
What does he care?

All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?

Ah, look at all the lonely people
Ah, look at all the lonely people

Eleanor Rigby died in the church and was buried along with her name
Nobody came
Father McKenzie wiping the dirt from his hands as he walks from the grave
No one was saved

All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?

I actually remember at the age of seven really getting sad – sad for all the lonely people. I actually prayed to Fod that I would never end up like poor Eleanor…not a friend in the world… nobody to remember her. I used to think she was probably a really cool lady who had lots of dreams and aspirations, hopes and goals. Maybe Eleanor wanted to be a doctor, or a lawyer… maybe she wanted to be fashion model, or the first lady.

What happened to poor Eleanor to make her so forgotten?

Deep for seven years old I know, but I also remember not being too worried I was going to turn into the poor dame. I was always what you would call a very social Butterfly… I had probably made friends even inside my mothers womb. I loved people and they loved me. I am just a natural conversationalist and I don’t walk in to a room and go “There you are.” I walk in to a room and go, “Here I am!”

Well that was always the way it was until I got in to the depths of my eating disorder. My anorexia and my bulimia both became my best friends and pretty much lit a match to anybody else who got in the way.

It’s not that my friends didn’t love me anymore, but they just got tired of being around the disease, they got sick of the lies, sick of the promises, sick of basically watching me kill myself right before their very own eyes. People who normally wanted to be around me avoided me like the plague, and other people weren’t drawn to me like they used to be, but rather repelled. They could just see I had this dark aura around me, and quite frankly didn’t want anything to do with it, or what it was circling.

So here I am 30 years old, and I remember not feeling like I had a friend in the world. I looked like crap, and became very reclusive. I remember not ever answering my phone, not that many people were even calling me, not answering my door, not that many people were knocking, and very seldom leaving my house, not that anybody really cared.

I was sitting there one day in my cold, dark, lonely world and all of a sudden the song Eleanor Rigby came on. I thought to myself… Oh my Lord…I am Eleanor Rigby…I am her! My worst fears have come true. I am one of the Lonely People… I am one of them.

Nobody is going to remember me… nobody is going to remember what I believed in, or my laugh, or my smile. If I die, which will probably be soon, nobody is going to come to my funeral. Then I thought to myself I wonder if Eleanor Rigby had an Eating Disorder. I wonder if that’s why nobody cared anymore, I wonder if that’s what happened to her? Well I was not going to, if I could help it, become Eleanor. And, I certainly was sick and tired of being one of those lonely people!!

Now fast forward to present day. Thanks to me seeking treatment at Rader Programs and regaining so much of my life back, not only am I not lonely anymore, but I am happy, and healthy, and pretty much on top of the world.

It has taken a lot of hard work and determination, but I am surrounded by so many wonderful and amazing people in my life who I can call my friends. Not to mention all of the amazing and incredible people I also get to meet on a daily basis working here at Rader. I wouldn’t be where I am now, surrounded by so much love and light, if I hadn’t gotten rid of my two old buddies Anorexia and Bulimia and traded them in for my new friend Recovery.  Recovery was the gateway to my happiness, and I am now proud to say that I have definitely earned back my title as “Miss Social Butterfly”

That’s what it’s about! Your Eating Disorder will do nothing less then try to destroy every thing around you… including your friends. I am so proud to say that these days I don’t hum the Beatles tune Eleanor Rigby anymore, but rather “She’s got a ticket to Ride!!