102/16 Today

Yesterday was a fantastic day.  I went to my job which is a five month internship and will be preparing me for what I plan to do career wise.  I felt very insecure, as I always do and I believe is only because I haven’t worked on healing myself emotionally and spiritually with the steps.  The other interns are in their early to mid twenties, and I’m 31.  I remember when I was 25, I had a friend who was 30 and I used to feel as if she were a little too old for me to relate to.  Now that I’ve put on a few years of wisdom, I know it’s not that big of a difference, but there is a huge maturity difference in the ages.  And the fact that I’m still about 15 emotionally is scary, and I fear that it may be obvious to the young women with whom I work.  I’m worried that they can see through my front and know that something is wrong with me.

I’m scared to go to work tomorrow because I’ll be alone and I’m supposed to have a laptop to bring with me and I don’t.  They have one I can use, but they don’t like the interns to use it.  I guess the best thing is to do everything with confidence, as if I know what I’m doing.  If I do that I know I’ll have a good day.