Yet Another Relapse

Damn.
Again?
I thought I had it nailed. It had been over a year since I relapsed. I would have bet money on the fact that I had the eating disorder beat. Sometimes that overconfidence can be dangerous.

I hate listening to addicts say, “I just decided one day to quit X, and that was it. I never smoked/purged/whatever again.” I rarely believe them. Maybe it’s just jealousy, but I’ve seen a lot of addicts in my life, and I’ve yet to meet anyone who truly gave up their addiction quite so easily.

Eating disorders are no exception. When the going gets rough, it’s easy to fall back into unhealthy patterns to avoid dealing with the real problems. Ack – who wants to feel anything? Avoid it all costs. Except it’s not a great long term solution.

But you know what? The world didn’t end. One relapse didn’t mean all hope was lost. Back to a 12 step meeting and back on the wagon. And I’m reminded of AA’s call to watch out for HALT – and not letting myself get too hungry, angry, lonely or tired because then my relapse risk increases.

A relapse doesn’t have to be the end of the road – just a bump on the journey to health.