What? Me Afraid?

Of course not. Who is ever actually afraid of food? Well, I am. Such a silly thing to admit, mostly because no one who hasn’t struggled with an eating disorder could understand it as clearly as we do.

When I was reading about Jane Fonda’s battle with bulimia and anorexia last week, I was particularly struck by what she said about fear. In describing her personal battle with the eating disorders which plagued her personal and professional life for a quarter of a century, she said, “For 25 years, I could never put a forkful in my mouth without feeling fear, without feeling scared. ”

I’m in recovery from my eating disorder and mostly doing really well. The problem is, I went out of town this weekend, and away from my pretty rigid plan, I found myself getting panicked. Of course, in hindsight, I can see now that it would have been easier had I trusted my friend with whom I was traveling and let her in on my struggle, then I wouldn’t have had to pretend everything was fine and that I could handle real restaurant food.

Problems always seem so much worse in the dark, and when we’re alone.

Maybe the first steps in overcoming fear is in speaking the truth.