Happy Valentine’s Day…To Me

In my twenties I operated under the assumption that I had to earn love. I had to be good enough to merit the respect and care of others. A part of me figured it was just a matter of time before people started realizing I wasn’t nearly as good as I seemed. Once they did, they would probably leave. To guard against that terror, I devoted myself to being good. My vigilance extended into every area of my life; my studies, work, friendships, volunteering, church work, even knowledge of world affairs. I wanted to do everything right all the time. Any little lapse or mistake provoked in me feelings of failure, fear and inadequacy.
The pressure I put on myself was immense and ultimately debilitating. I couldn’t keep up the pace and, though I tried hard, I could never meet my own expectations. I catalogued my shortcomings and regularly resolved to work harder, be friendlier, accomplish more and generally be a better person. By the time I was 33, I was nearly incapacitated by anxiety and struggling to get out from under the crush of bulimia and depression.
I used to think that if I could just work hard enough, then I would be good. If I were good, then I would be loved.
Instead, what if we could love ourselves for who are already?

Stephen Levine in “Healing into Life and Death” says: “Truly we have been waiting all our lives to hear ‘I love you’ in our own voice.”

Eating Disorder Self Test. Take the EAT-26 self test to see if you might have eating disorder symptoms that might require professional evaluation. All answers are confidential.

Find a Treatment Facility Near You

Click on a state below to find eating disorder treatment options that could be right for you.

The information provided on EatingDisorders.com is designed to support, not replace, the relationship that exists between a patient/site visitor and his/her health professional. This information is solely for informational and educational purposes and we encourage all visitors to see a licensed physician if they believe that they have an eating disorder. The publication of this information does not constitute the practice of medicine, and this information does not replace the advice of your physician or other health care provider. Neither the owners or employees of EatingDisorders.com nor the author(s) of site content take responsibility for any possible consequences from any treatment, procedure, exercise, dietary modification, action or application of medication which results from reading this site. Always speak with your primary health care provider before engaging in any form of self treatment. Please see our Legal Statement for further information.

Copyright © 2008-2017 EatingDisorders.com.
Company Information

© 2017 EatingDisorders.com. All rights reserved. Use of this site constitutes acceptance of EatingDisorders.com's terms of service and privacy policy. The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.