Feeding The Fire

The anorexic brain feed on malnutrition. It begins to whir and clink as one walks through the kitchen, hunger unfulfilled. I currently have no choice but to strictly limit my intake – no starches, no nuts, no “starchy vegetables,” and very limited fat. It’s unpleasant, painfully dull and driving me quickly back to the dark empire where restriction rules all.
“Think of how much weight you could lose!” is the what I hear near 24/7 these days. Truth be told, I don’t think I’m interested in losing weight right now. While Ed may have other ideas, I just want to feel better. I want to go through my days choosing what to eat and enjoying, not just opting for yogurt, frozen yogurt and applesauce because they are the only foods left to me.
While I’m sure of Mary’s intentions and can easily separate them from ED’s, the challenge is immense. I am exhausted (starches = carbohydrates = energy) and nauseas and dizzy and often in severe pain. These are all set backs; I tell myself to wake up each morning motivated and ready to get through my day without complaining or simply sleeping it away. But, my brain’s reflex reaction to restriction and hunger is to assume that it is a rightful punishment. I find myself thinking that I’ll try harder and be a better person. Try harder at what? I’m not doing this to myself yet I feel compelled to change myself in order to somehow escape the pain.
Basically, these disorders/deficiencies are perpetuating the eating disorder. I’m told to eat, but immediately punished by unbearable nausea and pain. Yet, everytime I turn down food (because I am actually not allowed to eat it) I become weaker and ED gains control.

Eating Disorder Self Test. Take the EAT-26 self test to see if you might have eating disorder symptoms that might require professional evaluation. All answers are confidential.

Find a Treatment Facility Near You

Click on a state below to find eating disorder treatment options that could be right for you.

The information provided on EatingDisorders.com is designed to support, not replace, the relationship that exists between a patient/site visitor and his/her health professional. This information is solely for informational and educational purposes and we encourage all visitors to see a licensed physician if they believe that they have an eating disorder. The publication of this information does not constitute the practice of medicine, and this information does not replace the advice of your physician or other health care provider. Neither the owners or employees of EatingDisorders.com nor the author(s) of site content take responsibility for any possible consequences from any treatment, procedure, exercise, dietary modification, action or application of medication which results from reading this site. Always speak with your primary health care provider before engaging in any form of self treatment. Please see our Legal Statement for further information.

Copyright © 2008-2017 EatingDisorders.com.
Company Information

© 2017 EatingDisorders.com. All rights reserved. Use of this site constitutes acceptance of EatingDisorders.com's terms of service and privacy policy. The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.