95/9 My Magic Magnifying Mind
Everything is just so intense in living sober and abstinent and not using the crutches that normally would have dulled my feelings. Being sober and abstinent is like being on acid, in a sense. If I had known this when I was 17, it may have prompted me to get sober quicker. All of my senses are heightened. When I walk into a room, I hear the world around me through air that’s thick like jello. Everything is in slow motion for about five moments, but each moment feels like an eternity. As I walk past people, their faces approaching mine appear caricature-like with exaggerated, smiling expressions. When I walk down the street, I notice the leaves rustling and the sound one makes as it hits the frigid sidewalk. My mind seems to magnify my feelings just as it does the sights, smells and sounds of the world around me. And this can be both incredibly satisfying and incredibly painful.
On pages 419-420 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous in the chapter Acceptance was The Answer, the same concept is discussed:
I can do the same thing with an A.A. (O.A.) meeting. The more I focus on its
defects-late start, long drunkalogs, cigarette smoke-the worse the meeting
becomes. But when I try to see what I can add to the meeting, rather than what
I can get out of it, and when I focus my mind on what’s good about it, rather than
what’s wrong with it, the meeting keeps getting better and better. When I focus
on what’s good today, I have a good day, and when I focus on what’s bad, I
have a bad day. If I focus on a problem, the problem increases; if I focus on the
answer, the answer increases…I must keep my magic magnifying mind on my
acceptance and off my expectations, for my serenity is directly proportional to my
level of acceptance. When I remember this, I can see I’ve never had it so good. Thank
God for A.A. (O.A.)!